Listening doesn’t mean just not speaking. To be an effective listener requires certain behaviors and attitudes. Listening is an action word. Find out how good a listener you are by answering the following questions.

1. Listening means paying attention. When I listen to someone, I focus my attention on the speaker. I look directly at him or her, and concentrate on hearing what he or she is saying.

__Always __ Most of the time __Sometimes __Never

2. Listening means accepting what the other person says. When I listen to someone, I withhold judgment and accept what he or she is saying “as is.” I acknowledge what the person is saying without labeling it right or wrong, good or bad, true or false.

__Always __ Most of the time __Sometimes __Never

3. Listening means being interested in what the other person says. When I listen to someone, I invite the speaker to give his or her opinion, say what’s on his or her mind, or say how he or she feels about the topic or issue.

__Always __ Most of the time __Sometimes __Never

Perfectionism can cause feelings of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt; it can cripple self-esteem, stifle creativity, and put a stumbling block in the way of intimate friendships and love relationships. Ultimately, it can create or aggravate illnesses such as eating disorders, manic-depressive mood disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and substance abuse.

Everybody has some “built-in” perfectionism, especially in our achievement-oriented, competitive culture. Complete this questionnaire to discover how perfectionistic you are.

❏ I never do anything halfway; it’s all or nothing for me. Everytime.

❏ I get angry or defensive when I make mistakes. I hate to make them.

❏ I often procrastinate on starting projects. I seldom meet deadlines. Or if I do, I kill myself meeting them.

For some, the term “warrior” connotes violence or domination. But in its truest form, warrior energy is about a “never say never” attitude, a fierce determination to succeed, that we would all do well to tap into on a daily basis. Take the Self-Quiz below to test whether you are being a warrior for your business and for yourself. 1. I don’t let “reasons” stand in my way of getting the job done. If something isn’t working, I find anther way that will. 2. I don’t let the fact that something is “hard” stop me. In fact, I do the hardest things first. 3. When a task seems so huge that it is daunting, I break it down into simple, doable steps and start on the steps, one at a time. 4. My mood doesn’t determine what I get accomplished. If I’ve committed myself to marketing tasks every Wednesday, for example, I don’t let “not being in the mood” for marketing take me out.

Some people swear by the efficiency of multitasking. Recently, however, some suggest that, not only is multitasking inefficient, it’s counterproductive. Whatever theory you ascribe to, humans seem “wired” to try to accomplish multiple tasks—ever since that first, Type “A” cave-dweller tossed a tuber on the fire next to the roasted woolly mammoth to cook meat and potatoes at the same time.

Nowadays, you don’t have to look further than the drivers next to you to see how multitasking has evolved, as they try to negotiate traffic, consume coffee, and work their PDAs all at the same time.

Take this self quiz to see how your multitasking skills rate.

1. At the end of the day my “to do” list is smaller than when my day began.

2. When completing multiple tasks simultaneously, I don’t combine tasks that require similar levels of concentration. For instance, I don’t try to listen, read or talk at the same time.

These days, bullying in schools and even in cyberspace is a hot topic. However, adult bullying is more widespread than you might think. It takes place in the home, the community and the workplace. According to Beth Rosenthal's book Bullying, a 2007 poll found that one-third of workers, or 54 million Americans, reported workplace bullying. Even when bullying is not physical, as in the case of domestic violence, it is usually verbal and psychological, leaving no physical scars, but nevertheless creating long-lasting effects such as stress, depression, shame and low self-esteem. Harmful health effects can include insomnia, high blood pressure and digestive problems. Take this quiz to determine if you—or someone you know—might be the victim of bullying:

1. My spouse repeatedly insults me in front of our friends and then tells me, laughing, that I'm too "thin-skinned."

2. My partner is jealous and hostile when I spend time with my friends.

3. My spouse controls all our finances; I have to ask every time I need money for even our most basic expenses.

Fulfillment in life is related to how well you are living in alignment with your values. Values are not morals or principles. They are the essence of who you are—not who you think you should be. For instance, money is not a value, whereas the things that money might buy, such as free time, risk-taking, and being of service are values. When you’re aligned with your values, you feel inner harmony, your choices are more easily made, and your actions are in accord with your true self. Take this quiz to see how well you are living in sync with your values.

1. I have spent time clarifying my values and can easily articulate them.

2. My values are my own. I have not simply adopted them from parents, teachers or other outside influences.

3. I based my choice of occupation on my deepest values.

Old-fashioned melodramas featured hapless heroines who always seemed to find themselves tied to a railroad track or evicted from home into a fierce storm as the villain twirled his oily moustache. Only a white-hatted hero or the cavalry could rescue them as they cried, “Woe is me!”

Here’s a Thriving quiz to help you see if you’ve been carrying around a victim mentality that may be robbing you of your sense of personal power. Answer true or false to the following statements.

T /F My first response to a setback is to blame someone else for what’s happened.

T /F No matter what I do, things are not really going to change for me.

T /F I often find myself beginning thoughts with phrases like “I can’t...,” “I’m no good at…” or “I’ve never been able to....”

Do you work hard but feel like you've accomplished little or nothing at the end of the day?

Do the fruits of your labor leave you wanting more?

Do you find yourself wondering, "Is this is all there is to life?"

If so, chances are you've been living as if you're on an endless treadmill. Here are a few useful ways to further investigate:

1. Do you often feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to take action? Perhaps you're no longer interested in trying anything new. Maybe your actions throughout the day are on "autopilot."

2. Has it become more and more difficult to make decisions? Our modern world can be overwhelming, and choices seem to get more complex. Have you started to simply ignore your challenges, hoping they'll go away?

Fulfillment in life is related to how well you are living in alignment with what’s truly important to you. Do your decisions emerge from the essence of who you are—not from who you think you should be? Take this quiz to see how well you are living a life that is of your own making.

1. I have spent time thinking about what’s important to me, and I can articulate those things.

2. While I have been influenced by my parents, teachers, society and other outside forces, I have not simply adopted their values and beliefs. My own values and beliefs come from deep inside.

3. I am not easily swayed by others’ opinions. I know my own mind.

Do you love what you do for a living?

Do you look forward to going to work every day or do you grudgingly show up in order to pay the bills? Do you work past quitting time because it's expected or because you're "into it" and lost track of time?

Many people know their calling in life, their true purpose, and live "on purpose."

Are you one of them?

Take this True or False Self-Quiz to determine whether you are operating from a place of purpose.

1. When I get up in the morning I look forward to the day ahead, whether it's a work day or my day off.

2. I love the work I do—any external reward I receive I consider "the icing on the cake."

In an uncertain economy, the tendency may be to avoid risk, to err on the side of safety. But lean times are a great time to try new or unproven strategies at work, to go against conventional wisdom, to take calculated risks and to remain open to innovation. Take this Self-Quiz to see whether you could benefit from a little more "danger" on the job.

1. I am willing to take action, even when there is risk involved.

2. I plan for the worst—but expect the best.

3. I am acquainted with failure, and it doesn't scare me.

From the first excuse we used as a child, shifting blame often becomes an all-purpose gadget in our toolbox of defenses, so handy we often reach for it without even thinking. Blame helps maintain our self-image and preserve our dignity, it’s a convenient form of procrastination, it’s less painful than blaming ourselves, and it can be a potent psychological weapon. Basically, it lets us off the hook. Take this Thriving quiz to see whether you’re playing the “Blame Game.”

1. I have used the phrase “How could you do this to me?”

2. I would be more punctual, except my carpool is always late (or my spouse doesn’t have breakfast ready on time, or my son never puts the car keys where they’re supposed to go or…).

3. If I’m angry at someone, I usually start off my sentence with “You make me so angry!”

Self-sabotage takes on a variety of guises and affects people of all ages, professions and economic levels. But it always leads to our not living the life we want for ourselves. Take this Self-Quiz to see whether you might be working against yourself in some areas.

1. It takes me at least a half hour to locate a document I need to send to someone.

2. I can be indecisive and fearful; as a result, chances often pass me by.

3. I tend to start projects with great gusto, but have great difficulty finishing them.

4. My financial situation is chronically chaotic.

Taking care is healthy caregiving—whether for children, spouses, friends or parents—that includes drawing appropriate boundaries, taking your own needs into consideration and knowing when to say no. Caretaking, on the other hand, is about rescuing, constantly placing others’ needs before your own and taking inappropriate responsibility for others’ emotions and actions.

The difference is in the intention: Are you in service (taking care) or is there a payoff (caretaking)? Payoffs are usually subtle. Caretaking may help you relieve guilt, feel better about yourself, or get attention or validation. But there is a cost to caretaking, as well: Caretaking can result in resentments, emotional and physical depletion, and/or feeling disconnected from your inner self. Complete this questionnaire to discover how much caretaking you do.

1. I feel safer when giving rather than receiving.

2. I am “on call” to friends with problems at any hour of the day or night.

3. I’m great at being nurturing and compassionate with others, but not so great at giving it to myself.

With our busy lives, taking care of ourselves is more important than ever—yet it’s often the last thing on our minds. We have to meet that deadline, use any break time to run errands, accomplish all the items on our list. We all know the negative impact on our health that stress can have—even positive stress such as that caused by a promotion. Take this Self-Quiz to see how well you are taking care of yourself.

1. I ask for help and support. When I feel I need help, I ask for it from a friend, counselor, coach, or colleague.

2. I let go of the way things used to be. I accept the way things are.

3. Every day I do something physical even if it’s just a walk around the block or a 15-minute workout.

These days, it seems as if the lament of not having enough time has become a national anthem. Everywhere people find themselves constantly in a rush, over-booked and over-scheduled with no time off. Life is accompanied by the ongoing stress of not enough time. And sometimes doing too much and being too busy can be a way of numbing feelings or disguising depression or anger.

Though it may not always seem so, how we fill our time and how we spend it is our choice. Answer the following questions to discover if you’re caught up in the “too-busy” cycle.

1. I constantly find myself doing “urgent” things and trying to catch up.

2. I allow myself to drift into obligations when I don’t know how much time or energy they’ll require.

3. I find myself running from when I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night. I’m always tired and never feel like I accomplished enough.

Helen Keller, blind and deaf educator, said: "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." Sometimes it's wise to be cautious, particularly when physical safety is at stake.

However, when we play it safe simply to protect our ego or heart, we may close off possibilities that could bring us greater joy and fulfillment. Life is what we make of it, shaped by our choices.

What are you choosing? Answer "true" or "false" to the following statements to discover if you are too cautious.

Set 1

1. Life doesn't feel safe. I'm content with things as they are and prefer to stay in my "comfort zone."

2. I'm afraid something bad will happen if I veer off my usual course. I feel safer and more confident when I stick to what I already know.

It’s natural for us to instantly and automatically generate beliefs or assumptions about other people and our environment. Most likely it’s a throw-back to our reptilian brain, which constantly scans to see if we are safe or in danger. Take a look at the following questions to discover if your assumptions are undermining you:

Set 1

1. I base what I believe is possible on past experiences I’ve had.

2. I already know what I do and do not like and, therefore, stick to what I know.

3. I tailor what I say and do based on the expressions on other people’s faces.

Money—the lack of it, the fear of losing it, the dread of not having enough—tops the list of concerns of many people these days. That’s because the economy is in bad shape, you may say. But didn’t those fears predate today’s bad news? And even when the economy is flourishing, we are still a debt-ridden nation.

What’s going on?

The problem may be unspoken attitudes about money that are getting in the way of a sense of well-being and security in our lives. Here are a few of the more common ones:

I Don’t Care about Money; I Don’t Like Money

This attitude is held by people at all income levels. It can have its origin in religious or political beliefs or from guilt at inherited privilege. Pam is a child of the 60’s who says she doesn’t really like money. She never allows herself to have what she truly wants and always buys the cheapest version. She’s a landscape designer, but regularly underbills her clients. A classic underearner, she sometimes relies on credit cards for basic expenses such as rent.

In her book, Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, Sharon Ellison estimates that we use 95% of our communications energy being defensive. As soon as we feel any threat, either of not getting what we want or of being put down in some way, we are ready to protect ourselves by being defensive. Imagine how much more productive our communications could be if we learned how to respond nondefensively and to avoid provoking defensiveness in others! Take this quiz to see how defensive you tend to be.

Most of us would avoid fighting if we could. After all, it’s not very comfortable. However, personal growth is often attained through some kind of challenge. Fighting fairly and skillfully is the key to allowing conflict to serve us rather than do harm. Answer the following questions to discover if you are fighting fairly:

Most of us have been taught that it is more noble to give than to receive. While giving can be a wonderful, heart-warming experience, giving too much of our time and energy can be detrimental to both our physical and emotional health, leading to anxiety, overwhelm and burnout. Take this quiz to see if you are giving it all away.

1. I force myself to do things even when I don’t have the energy to do them.

2. I ignore my body’s “no” signals when I think someone’s needs are greater than mine.

3. I hate conflict, so I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it, which often means doing something I don’t want to do.

Pleasing other people—who could find fault with that? Isn’t it a good thing to consider the needs of others, to be gracious, to be nice? By all means! But for many, the desire to please becomes an addictive need to please others, even at the expense of their own health and happiness. It takes a toll on health, relationships and quality of life, and it drowns out the inner voice that may be trying to protect us from overdoing it.

“As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval,” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please. “At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created.”

Take this quiz to see whether you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself.

1. I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great.

2. If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty.

3. To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.

Trust comes in different levels and flavors for everyone. For example, one person may completely trust family members, while those may be the last people that another individual is willing to open up to.

It can be difficult to trust if you've been hurt—as a child, in a romantic relationship or in a situation that seemed "out of the blue." Rejection, betrayal or abuse are never easy to deal with.

But sometimes we build such a strong wall around ourselves that we miss opportunities to develop wonderful, healthy and lasting relationships with loved ones, friends and colleagues. Answer true or false to the statements below to discover what role mistrust may be playing in your life.

1. I keep my problems to myself.

2. I don't like to depend on others; they almost always let me down.

3. Revealing my weaknesses to a romantic partner is too risky.

Workaholism has a treadmill, joyless quality, not the bouncy, fun energy of a trampoline. And while working long, hard hours may help you accomplish a primary work goal, it likely will leave other areas of your life—family, friendship, intellectual stimulation, etc.—in shambles.

“Workaholism is an addiction,” Julia Cameron says in her book, The Artist’s Way, “and like all addictions, it blocks creative energy.” Take the following quiz, adapted from Cameron’s book, to help you figure out if you have workaholic habits. Even better, ask a few members of your family, or a few friends, to answer these questions for you. You may be surprised by what you discover.

1. I work beyond normal office hours.

2. I cancel dates with friends or family members to do more work.

3. I postpone outings until my deadline project is done.

4. I take work with me on vacations.

5. My family and/or friends complain that I always work.

6. I seldom allow myself free time between projects.

Loss can come in many forms: the loss of a loved one, one's own health, a home, a job or a cherished dream. Grief is a natural response to any kind of loss.

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages to grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grief experts have since added shock or disbelief, and we know now that a myriad of feelings can be experienced simultaneously in a great wave of emotion, especially with the loss of a loved one.

While it is natural to experience some or all of these emotions, there are ways to facilitate the process. Respond True or False to the following statements to discover how well you cope with grief and loss.

Set 1

1. I don't feel much interest in activities that I used to really enjoy.

2. I have trouble falling asleep and, when I do, my sleep is restless and I wake up feeling tired.

3. I cry often and am afraid I won't ever be able to stop.

Perhaps it’s the mother-in-law whom you secretly call “Controller of the Universe,” or the boss at work who has to have a hand in every little detail of your work, or the parent who directs every aspect of their child’s life. However well-meaning controlling people might be, their actions often result in alienation, resentment and a lack of intimacy with loved ones. When they have a choice, people don’t usually like to be around controlling individuals. Take this quiz to see how controlling you might be.

Set 1

1. I discourage the people around me from expressing anger, fear or sadness.

2. It aggravates me when others don’t want to do something the way I suggest; I’m only trying to help them.

3. I hate to admit to others that I am wrong or make mistakes; in fact, I rarely do.

4. I’d rather do most things myself.

In her book, Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, Sharon Ellison estimates that we use 95% of our communications energy being defensive. Indeed, as soon as we feel any threat, either of not getting what we want or of being harmed or put down in some way, we are ready to protect ourselves by being defensive. Imagine how much more enjoyable our communications could be if we learned how to respond nondefensively and to avoid provoking defensiveness in others! Take this quiz to see how defensive you tend to be.

1. When people criticize or judge me, I am quick to point out their own faults.

2. If people are upset or disappointed with me, I let them know with explanations and excuses why they are wrong.

3. I’m always looking for the hidden critical message beneath people’s requests.

Emotional resilience is the ability to successfully cope with change or misfortune. Even when afraid, resilient people respond to life's challenges with courage and emotional stamina.

While we can't always control what life brings, we can use adversity as an opportunity for growth. Respond True or False to the following statements to discover how well you cope with life's many challenges.

Set 1

1. When bad things happen, I think "why me?" I feel fear and self-pity; I want to find someone to blame.

Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship—that means almost all of us—knows that while cruising along life’s highway in tandem with someone else, bumps are bound to appear. Potholes sometimes. Even roadblocks. Skillful driving, plenty of fuel and a good roadmap are needed to stay the course. That’s what good communication is all about.

Take the following quiz to find out how you fare in relationship communications skills. For each yes answer, put a mark in the box.

1. I don’t assume my partner can read my mind. I say what I’m thinking and feeling.

Money—the lack of it, the fear of losing it, the dread of not having enough—tops the list of concerns of many people these days. We’re more debt-ridden than any generation before. Some of us tie ourselves up with such notions as “Having money and leading a spiritual life are contradictions.” We let our feelings of scarcity color our decisions.

Take this Thriving quiz to learn more about your relationship with money.

1. I have no idea where my money goes every month. I just don’t think about money.

2. I act as if I have plenty of money, but inside, I’m always worried that I don’t have enough, even to meet my monthly bills.

3. I have no idea where I got my attitudes about money.

4. I feel ashamed about having more money than my friends (or less than); if they found out, I’m afraid they wouldn’t like me.

Self-esteem is more than self-confidence; it is the belief in ourselves that says we have the right to be successful and happy. It is a feeling of being worthy and deserving of having our needs and wants fulfilled. Self-esteem is not a gift bestowed by those outside ourselves or something that can be taken from us by others. It’s an inside job.

Take our quiz to find out how healthy your self-esteem is. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T / F 1. I have a right to honor my needs and wants, to treat them as important.

T / F 2. Nobody has the power to determine how I will think and feel about myself.

T / F 3. I am competent to cope with the basic challenges of life.

T / F 4. When I suffer some defeat or setback, I am able to rise again.

Sex is play. It is celebration—the glue that keeps a relationship together during difficult times. However, keeping that sexual spark alive in a marriage or a long-term relationship can be a challenge. But those who take the time to cultivate a loving and tender relationship will reap the reward of feeling more connected. These couples also tend to be more physically healthy! Take the quiz below to find out if you have a thriving sex life.

Answer True or False:

1. My partner and I communicate in an open and loving manner about most things that matter to us.

2. I am able to articulate my sexual needs to myself. I know what I like and what I don’t like.

3. I communicate those likes and dislikes to my partner. I don’t expect him or her to “just know” how to please me.

The caliber of leadership in any team or organization plays a critical role in the levels of success and harmony that can be achieved. Take this Self-Quiz to determine whether your leadership skills are honed to a keen edge.

1. I’ve become more comfortable delegating tasks and managing the performance of others than doing things myself.

2. Before committing to a decision, I ask myself if it will serve my purpose. I say “No” to requests for my time and attention that are not aligned with my purpose.

3. Coworkers and those who report directly to me trust me and my effectiveness as a leader.

We make decisions every day. While simple decisions require a fairly straightforward decision-making process, complex decisions usually require more effort to properly deal with challenges such as uncertainty, risk, alternatives and consequences.

Because of the possibility of conflict and unwanted outcomes, making decisions can be stressful. Being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and those of your team, helps alleviate that stress, and puts you on the road to taking decisive and intelligent action.

To determine whether your decision-making skills are as sharp as they could be, answer True or False to the following questions.

1. Prior to making decisions I ensure that I have established clear objectives that identify the desired outcome.

As Suzanne Falter-Barns says in her book, How Much Joy Can You Stand?, if we begin to nurture and pursue our dream, if we can manage to leap off the cliff and trust ourselves to fly, we will experience a fine, effortless joy like nothing else. “It may take a while to wade through all your resistance, fears, misperceptions and basic disbelief in yourself,” she says. “It may take far longer than you think it should. But if you can just keep going through the process, and trust yourself in a basic way not attempted before, the joy will be yours.” Test your joy quotient with this quiz.

(True/False)

1. Creativity doesn’t just belong to artistic types living in loft studios. It belongs to me and to every human. I AM creative!

2. I think of myself as someone who doesn’t just want what I want, but as someone who is going to get it.

3. I keep blank notebooks in several places for jotting down my ideas and inspirations, and a tape recorder for recording observations.

4. It isn’t up to me what the world thinks of me. My job is to work on my dream and send it out there.

When our children come to us with a problem, we usually want to help them. So we console, interpret, advise, distract or praise. Other times, we feel we must teach our children, and so we interrogate, lecture, moralize or order. And probably more often than we’d like, we respond angrily—blaming, criticizing, ridiculing, shaming or withdrawing.

However, all of these responses are problematic—whether with our children, or with the adults in our lives. They often serve to stop the communication of real feelings and the development of individual solutions. Take the quiz below, adapted from the classic Parent Effectiveness Training, by Dr. Thomas Gordon, to assess your listening skills.

1. I let my children feel their difficult feelings, knowing that comments such as “Everyone goes through this” deny the strength of their feelings.

2. I try to listen for the need beneath the words and respond to that.

3. I make it a point to check in to see if I’ve understood something in the way my child intended it. When I do, I try to keep my own feelings, opinions and guidance out of it.

Developing and managing your personal brand—that which creates a clear and memorable impression about who you are and what you do—is practically a requirement in today’s economy. Doing so gives you greater control of your career and personal destiny. Take the Self-Quiz below to see if yours needs just a dusting off, or some full-fledged spring-cleaning.

1. I know what’s important to me, and I can list the values that inform my work and approach.

2. When colleagues (and those I work with at all levels) think of me, what they think is clear and consistent from person to person.

3. I know how I create value for my company and/or my clients. They do, too.

A romantic relationship is like a beautiful, vibrant garden that requires regular watering, nutrients and sunshine to keep it alive and healthy.

You wouldn't expect your garden to grow and thrive without taking the proper steps to nurture it. The same is true of your relationship. Without ongoing care and attention to your romance, your relationship will ultimately wither on the vine.

Take the following quiz to find out how well you are nurturing your romance. It contains 10 excellent ways to help love relationships to grow and thrive. Grade yourself on each of the following statements according to how frequently it pertains to you and your relationship. You can then interpret your results at the end of the questions.

Very frequently 10 points
Often 8 points
Occasionally 4 points
Rarely or never 0 points

1. You hug, cuddle and say "I love you" to your spouse or lover.

2. You compliment your loved one with true and honest statements.

3. You surprise your partner with romantic gestures, such as unexpected cooked meals, special notes, trips or date nights.

4. You enjoy sexual intimacy with your partner: You're as much a willing giver as you are an appreciative receiver.

Boundaries are those invisible lines of protection you draw around yourself. They let people know your limits on what they can say or do around you. Healthy boundaries give you freedom in relating to others. Make them too solid and you build walls, too weak and you allow other’s actions to harm you. How well-constructed are your boundaries? Take a few minutes to find out.

1. I start statements with “I” rather than “you” or “we.” This lets me own what I say and is less defensive than “you” and more clean than “we.”

2. My boundaries are specific and clear. “I don’t accept phone calls after 10 p.m.” Rather than vague and mushy. “Don’t call me too late.”

3. I’m consistent when I create boundaries. If I say “no phone calls after 10 p.m.,” I don’t make exceptions unless the situation is truly exceptional.

We all go through challenging times at various points in life—whether it’s a health crisis, the end of a relationship, job loss, financial difficulties or the death of a loved one. To cope with such difficult times, self-care is vital but, too often, we are hard on ourselves instead.

Answer these true/false questions to discover how well you support yourself during difficult times.

True or False?

Set 1

1. Although it doesn’t really help, when I’m facing something difficult, I often self-soothe by over-indulging in food and alcohol.

2. During tough times, I get caught up in “putting out fires,” and self-care goes out the window.

3. It’s easy for me to mentally spin out of control with worry and worst-case scenario thinking.

Nearly every contact we make involves communications skills. Speaking and listening, our attitude, speech patterns, the words we use, the tone of our voice, our body language and sometimes even the silences all play a part in how successful our communications are. To find out how well you communicate, answer each statement true or false.

I use I/my statements and take responsibility for what I say.

I speak specifically and personally, instead of generally and abstractly.

I keep my message and my language simple. I get to the point and don't try to confound people or impress them with verbal gymnastics.

My body language corresponds with my verbal language and my tone. I check my tone (especially in written communication) to be sure it corresponds with my message.

All change carries with it the risk of the unknown and the unexpected. Some find this exciting and welcome the challenge. Others go down the path of change reluctantly, dragging their heels all the way. But, as songwriter Johnny Rivers said, “The only thing that’s permanent is change.” A conscious, developed awareness of our response to change can help us develop better coping strategies.

Answer the following questions to find out how you cope with change. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T / F 1. I hesitate to make a change until everything is 100 percent right.

T / F 2. I never make changes unless they are forced upon me.

T / F 3. Generally, I look forward to change as exciting and challenging.

Disappointment is that feeling of being let down by a person, an expectation or a hope. It is a normal response that everyone experiences. But all too often, when we’re disappointed and especially need caring attention, we beat ourselves up instead. Take this quiz to see how well you take care of yourself after a disappointment.

1. I recognize that disappointment is a part of life. When I experience a disappointment, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or that I deserved it.

2. When I have suffered a disappointment, I let myself have my feelings. I realize that when you give feelings the time and attention they need and deserve, they tend to fade on their own.

3. With a therapist or in another safe setting, I work through other feelings that disappointment brings to the surface. These feelings often include shock, hurt and anger.

No matter how rewarding our work may be, we all face challenges in our professional lives. These challenges can either serve as opportunities to improve personal and professional growth or they can interfere with our effectiveness and ability to enjoy our work.

Do you have the people skills, flexibility and street smarts to cope with common workplace challenges?

Take this True or False Self-Quiz to determine whether you are maximizing these opportunities for your own personal and professional development.

1. When I feel disconnected or isolated from colleagues or clients, I make a point of scheduling weekly or monthly get-togethers to celebrate successes and reinforce camaraderie and team spirit.

2. When a situation feels "cutthroat" at work or clients are playing hardball, I practice random acts of kindness in the work environment to create and encourage goodwill.

At its essence, worry is a useful response, helping us anticipate—and avoid—danger by taking constructive action. But too often, worry becomes an endless loop that makes it hard to focus and perform, and stresses our physical systems. Take this Self-Quiz to see how well you handle worry.

1. I seem confident and happy-go-lucky to everyone who knows me. That’s because I keep my worries to myself. I don’t want to burden anyone by sharing my concerns.

2. I write about my fears and concerns. This seems to take some of the power out of them. After writing, creative solutions seem to just show up.

3. I lie in bed for two or three hours at night worrying, just hoping to fall back asleep. I feel tired all the time.

4. Getting involved with my family, friends, church, neighborhood, organizations, etc., gives me the sense of being part of something bigger than myself. When I turn the focus from inside to out, my worries seem to dissipate.

Effective delegation is a learnable time-management skill that can dramatically increase your effectiveness at work. To find out how well you delegate, take the following Self-Quiz.

1. In most cases, I can do tasks quicker and better myself than if I delegate.

2. Before I delegate something, I take the time to visualize the end result and to communicate that to the delegate.

3. I work longer hours than others doing the same kind of work.

4. A written outline or sketch of what I want always accompanies my oral description of the tasks I delegate.

Not only does pent-up anger not feel good, but it’s bad for our health, potentially leading to depression, high blood pressure and other stress-related conditions. Learning healthy ways to express anger can help us feel better physically and emotionally and bring more authenticity and intimacy into our lives.

Answer the following true/false questions to discover how well you express anger.

1. I build up resentments over time, and then let them all out in one big blow-up.

2. I sometimes cut people out of my life when they make me angry.

3. It’s unsafe to express anger. I internalize it and then end up feeling depressed.

Say the word “needs” and many think “needy,” a word loaded with images of desperation and weakness. And yet needs are an expression of our core values and deepest human longings, says Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion. Understanding, naming and connecting with our needs helps us improve our relationship with ourselves, as well as foster understanding with others.

Take this quiz to learn how well you are connecting with and expressing your needs. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T /F 1. I value my needs enough to identify them and state them clearly, rather than arguing about what I “deserve” or “should” get.

T /F 2. Instead of muttering to myself, “What’s wrong with me?” I wonder, “What need of mine isn’t being met?”

T /F 3. When I express a need, I don’t attach it to a particular action, such as: “I need you to take the garbage out without being asked!” My need is really for support and trust and ease. When I connect with my needs, it is easier for others to respond compassionately.

A number of years ago humanist psychologist Abraham Maslow realized that the foundation for physical and psychological wellness had to do with getting certain needs met. He developed the “Hierarchy of Needs,” from which the following quiz is adapted. Answer the questions to determine how well your basic and growth needs are being met.

Physical

I get adequate sleep and rest.

My basic nutritional needs are met.

I have a place to live that provides warmth and shelter and I am physically comfortable.

Exercise and recreation needs are met through regular routines and planned activities.

My need for sexual expression is fulfilled.

Anxiety is the culprit that wakes us in the night and won’t let us go back to sleep. It distracts us and makes us irritable and forgetful. Physical symptoms can include trembling or shakiness, clammy hands, dry mouth, sweating, headaches, neck pain, frequent urination and heart palpitations.

Mild anxiety is normal in our daily lives and can be eased with some basic tools. Answer the following questions to find out how well you use some of these tools.

■ When I feel anxious, I take deep breaths to ground myself and calm myself down.

■ I get a reality check by talking to someone I trust about my reasoning or thinking or the conclusions I’ve come to.

■ I watch how others get through stressful situations and model them; I ask questions about the best way to handle situations or events or people.

■ When the same anxiety comes up over and over, I log and assess ¬possible causes and solutions.

It’s a fact of life in our world today: Conflict, like taxes, is inevitable. This isn’t all bad. Naturally people are going to have differing points of view. Sometimes conflict and the resolution that comes from it, can result in a closer bond between two people or more complete understanding of a situation by a group....

The bullies of the world seem to enjoy conflict, coming at it head long, They’re aggressive on the freeway, surly to service people and argumentative with co-workers. Other people avoid conflict at all costs, never speaking up for themselves, always backing down. They are the doormats everyone walks upon.....

Take a look at the following questions to find out how you respond in-conflict situations.

1. When confronted by an angry or hostile person, I take a moment and consider my response, rather than reacting in kind or defensively.

__Always __ Often __Sometimes __Never

2. When conflict occurs, I clam up and become non-communicative, quiet and passive, hoping it will dissipate.

__Always __ Often __Sometimes __Never

3. I try to see my part in the situation and am willing to take responsibility for it instead of blaming others or denying any responsibility.

__Always __ Often __Sometimes __Never

Because we are human, we cannot help but fail. We make mistakes at work. We lose relationships. We parent in ways we later regret. We fail to win or succeed at all we do. How we handle these failures makes all the difference in the world to our ability to learn and be effective in our work and personal lives. Take the Self-Quiz below to see how you tend to handle failure.

Set 1

1. I make realistic (safe) choices about what to do. If I’m unsure whether I can succeed at something, I don’t do it.

2. I feel so ashamed after losing a job that I can’t bear to see colleagues from that workplace again.

3. If I fail at something, I give up and take it as evidence that I’m not “meant” to do that.

Fear keeps us from taking risks that might enrich our life or holds us back from doing some things we need to do. Do we experience new and exciting vistas? Get involved with that person or group? Accomplish something really great? Fear says, “Not on your life.” To discover the role fear plays in your life, complete the following Thriving quiz.

Set 1

1. My self-talk is filled with can’ts, shouldn’ts and ought-tos.

2. I never talk about my fears. If I do, people will think I’m stupid or weak.

3. I often find myself thinking about bad things that might happen in the future.

4. I feel trapped in or avoid social situations where it might be difficult to escape if I wanted to, such as in a crowd or on the highway.

5. I tend to need approval from family or peers before going after dreams and goals.

When overwhelm strikes, it’s easy to feel powerless and immobile. Everything feels too big. It’s not just everyday busyness and packed schedules. When we’re overwhelmed, just making dinner becomes a monumental effort. Take the Thriving quiz below to see how well you’ve learned to deal with overwhelm.

1. I try to remember that I don’t have to do everything myself. I ask others for help and gather a support team about me.

2. As often as I can remember, I stop for a moment and take several deep, relaxing breaths.

3. I say “No” to new requests for my time, and I try to renegotiate previous commitments so that I can regroup.

4. Even if for only 10 minutes, I do some form of movement—dancing, jogging, walking, jumping jacks. (Exercise increases adrenaline and endorphins, the body’s natural antidepressants.)

Handled well, conflict can strengthen communication, spark new ideas and generate new levels of performance. Handled poorly, however, workplace conflict can damage important relationships and drag down productivity. In fact, many agree that the ability to manage conflicts can make or break a career. Take this Self-Quiz to discover how well you handle conflict in the workplace.

True or False

1. If the conflict is escalating, I offer to set the subject aside and address it later, possibly in a separate meeting.

2. Because good decisions are sometimes reached when everyone gives a little, I keep myself flexible and open to compromise.

3. I do all I can to NOT get defensive. I listen to what others have to say and honestly evaluate whether their opinions might be valid.

Most of us have an Inner Critic, an internal “voice” that judges our actions or inaction, tells us what’s wrong with us and how we should or should not be. This constant judgment can lead to debilitating feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety. While it’s difficult to silence the critic completely, there are ways to cope with it. Answer these true/false questions to discover how well you handle your Inner Critic.

1. I can’t seem to do anything right. I feel depressed and incapacitated by the constant nagging, judging voice inside me.

2. I don’t necessarily realize I’m at the effect of my Inner Critic, but I often compare myself to others and never quite measure up. I feel inadequate.

Whether you're letting go of a cherished idea or person or a vision of how life was supposed to be, it can feel excruciating to leave something or someone behind. It can feel as though you're losing a part of yourself. Sometimes you might even feel attached to your anger and resentment.

However, letting go can be an empowering act, as it forces you to develop important resources like courage, compassion, forgiveness and love. Answer the following true/false questions to discover how well you release what's no longer viable:

Set 1

1. I have a hard time letting go of grudges. When someone does me wrong, they are permanently on my "bad" list.

Focusing on the ways our body serves us and how we can serve it helps us to accept—yes, even love—our bodies and stop obsessing about its appearance. Take this Thriving quiz to find out how well you love your body. Our own opinion of ourselves influences others’ opinions of us much more than we realize.

1. I appreciate that my arms enable me to hold someone I love, that my thighs enable me to run.

2. I wear comfortable clothes that I really like and that feel good to my body, rather than trying to hide or camouflage my body or to follow uncomfortable fashion trends.

3. I judge myself as a whole person, not just as a body.

4. I do things that let me enjoy my body—dance, take a hot bath, walk, get a massage.

5. I notice that the appearance of people I admire is unimportant to their success and accomplishments.

Like other emotions, anger itself is neither bad nor good. It’s the behavior that follows the feeling that can be harmful or destructive. And, while anger is typically associated with aggression or violence, anger can be constructive, too. It can be the wind that blows a needed change through your life.

Take the following quiz to find out if you use your anger to help or harm yourself. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T /F 1. When I’m feeling anger, I’m aware of certain physical responses in my body and mental signals in my mind.

T /F 2. Rather than striking out verbally or physically when I feel angry, I take a few deep breaths and pause before I react.

The impact of stress accumulates, and, beyond the ongoing, regular stress that comes from living in our high-impact culture, specific life events can really knock us for a loop. Even happy changes can cause bumps in the road, which we register both physically and emotionally. While we can’t eliminate stress from our lives, we can learn where our hot spots are and how to best reduce and manage the stress we do experience.

You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T /F 1. I set the pace for the day by beginning with peaceful thinking either through reading an inspiring passage, saying a prayer or acknowledging the gift of a fresh, new day.

T /F 2. Throughout the day I live in the moment. I don’t brood about a past event or fret about the future.

T /F 3. I eat healthfully and take the time to enjoy my meals. I set aside work, driving and other activities while I eat. No multi-tasking.

Automatic, negative responses to people or events often indicate a hypersensitivity that's referred to as "getting your buttons pushed." At work, these emotional reactions can limit your career advancement and cap the level of success you might achieve.

Usually these sensitivities have their origins in hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or controlled. Because we're all human, we sometimes take them into the workplace with us.

Answer the following two sets of questions to discover how well you manage your emotional reactions at work.

1. When anyone critiques my work—constructively or not—I tend to shut down and withdraw or feel ashamed.

2. When someone hurts me—for instance, if they fail to acknowledge my contribution—I lash out at them or blame myself.

3. I hate it when colleagues tell me I'm "too sensitive."

When the seemingly relentless demands at work and burdens of a busy life take their toll on work performance, we tend to think that managing our time better will improve the situation. If we can just work faster, multitask more efficiently, things will be better, we think, as we buy the latest time management gadget or software.

However, as Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, authors of The Power of Full Engagement, explain, it is the skillful management of energy, not time, that most significantly affects high performance. Too often, we squander this valuable resource through energy-taxing habits—physical, emotional, mental and spiritual habits. Take this Self-Quiz to see how well you are managing your energy.

1. I rely on sugary or carbohydrate-rich snacks for bursts of energy when I need an energetic pick-me-up.

2. Life is an endless marathon to be endured; you just have to keep on running.

3. I tend to do what feels immediately pressing and easier to accomplish rather than make intentional choices about how I spend my time and what matters most.

Pay, praise and promotions may have some effect on motivation levels in the workplace. But these three Ps pale in comparison to more personal factors, such as the Top 5 of the oft-cited research by Rewick and Lawler: job challenge, accomplishing something worthwhile, learning new things, developing skills and abilities, and autonomy. Take this Self-Quiz to see how you’re doing in lighting and kindling the fire of enthusiasm in your employees.

1. I know things about the personal lives of those who work with me, such as how many children they have or their special hobbies or musical taste.

2. I try to ask questions rather than give direct orders.

3. When making a request, I match the benefits of the task to the goals and values of the person I am asking.

4. I give specific and sincere praise for improvements in performance, so as to let people know that I have noticed. I celebrate successes.

Take a big, deep, beautiful breath: the holidays will be here before you know it. For many of us, this time of year brings with it the joys—and challenges—of family gatherings, gift exchanges, and holiday festivities. The good news is that with a little planning and thoughtfulness, you can navigate the holidays with grace. Take this self-quiz to see how ready you are for this year’s holiday season.

True or False?

1. I start planning for the holidays early so that I’m not running around in November and December.

2. When my family is making plans, I make a point of negotiating what I really want to do and where I’d like to spend each holiday.

Whether there are children involved or not, ending a marriage or partnership challenges us in ways that not much else does. The term “good divorce” seems a contradiction in terms. And yet, there are things we can do, practices we can bring into our lives that will help us navigate the big waves and the roiling waters. Take the quiz below to see how many of them you have employed and to gain ideas for how break-ups might go better.

1. I don’t hesitate to express my feelings. I just don’t always communicate them to the other person. For example, if I’m angry, I might pound my bed or a pillow. Or I might journal or paint furious red canvases.

2. If I’m feeling hopeless or discouraged about this new phase, I seek support from a counselor, clergy member or friends.

3. I don’t encourage others to take sides against the person with whom I’m ending a relationship.

Leaders with empathy are able to understand their employees’ needs and provide them with constructive feedback. Successful salespeople use their empathic ability to gauge a customer’s mood, which helps them decide when to pitch a product and when to keep quiet. In addition, studies have found that people high in empathy are more confident, sensitive and assertive, and they enjoy better physical and mental health. Take this Self-Quiz to see how well you practice empathy.

1. When I show that I understand the other person’s experience, I notice that the person I’m talking with opens up more.

2. Being a good, active listener helps me “get” what someone else is going through.

Studies have found that people high in empathy are more confident, sensitive and assertive, and they enjoy better physical and mental health. Often described as standing in another person’s shoes or looking through the other’s eyes, empathy connects us human-to-human. Take this Thriving quiz to see how well you practice empathy.

True or False

Set 1

1. If I don’t know enough to understand, and empathize with, another’s dilemma, I try to increase my knowledge by asking questions.

2. I recognize and remember that others are different from me and might see and feel things differently from how I might experience the same situation. I try to look at the situation through that person’s eyes, not my own.

3. I don’t need to be right about what I imagine the other person to be feeling. If I’ve misunderstood, I ask the person to help me correct my impressions. Doing so helps me learn more about the other.

Whether presenting to a group of 10 around a boardroom table or a full house of 3,000, there are a few essential skills that make the difference between an excellent and a ho-hum speaker. Take the following Self-Quiz to see how well you do and whether there might be a few things you can learn.

1. Because studies have shown that using visuals has a dramatic effect on message retention, I use visuals as often as possible. However, I actually make it VISUAL (pictures, graphs, tables, props), and not just a bunch of words on a PowerPoint slide.

2. I make sure before presenting that I have energy, enthusiasm and excitement. I know that if I don’t have them, no one listening will either.

3. Knowing that rehearsing is crucial to a great presentation, I rehearse aloud several times—at least one of which is in front of a practice audience that will give me plain, honest feedback.

Gone are the days when length-of-service awards, employee-of-the-month recognition and merchandise rewards were valued ways to recognize people who work with you. In fact, many people find such formal recognition programs stale and irrelevant, and their effectiveness has declined. This is true whether speaking of colleagues, direct reports or subcontractors.

The problem is that these methods don’t really express appreciation for a job well done or gratitude for a commitment to quality. Take the Self-Quiz below to discover how well you score.

1. Forget employee of the month! I try to acknowledge employees each time they do good work.

2. I make proactive changes and improvements to my recognition programs. I don’t wait until the evidence of ineffectiveness is overwhelming.

3. One way I express how much I value those I work with is by ensuring meaningful work, offering flexible work hours and encouraging greater work/personal life balance.

4. I am clear about what kinds of incentive merchandise not to give, including coffee mugs, paperweights, pen sets, plaques. In fact, I stay away from “stuff” altogether.

The way to live a full and rich life, to deepen our connections with others and to experience true intimacy is by staying in the present moment. Yet much of what we do and how we live takes us out of the present and ricochets us into some unknown future or drags us back into the mire of the past. Other times, we simply “space out,” disconnect from where we are, who we’re with, and what we’re doing.

Years ago comedian Flip Wilson created a character named Geraldine, who excused her outrageous behavior by claiming “the devil made me do it.” Poor Geraldine, helpless and ineffective because she wouldn’t take responsibility for herself. In his book, Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make You A Happy Adult, Dr. Frank Pittman wrote, “Finding the responsible thing to do is the lifelong quest for grown-ups.”

Take the following quiz to find out how well you take responsibility for yourself. You won’t be scored at the end, but answer true or false to the following questions, and elaborate a bit on those that feel especially relevant.

T / F 1. I believe that my actions are the primary force in how I live my life, and that I am solely responsible for my actions.

T / F 2. When other people, events or circumstances affect my life, I am responsible for my reactions.

T / F 3. I may not always be able to select co-workers or team members, but I am responsible for the companions I choose and the company I keep.

For some, integrity simply means telling the truth, but it goes deeper than that. Integrity has more to do with living the truth than merely telling it. Since integrity is intimately linked with each of our own unique set of core values, we alone are the best judges to determine how well we are adhering to our internal moral code. Take the Self-Quiz below to see how well you do.

1. I take responsibility for my actions even when I expect the results may be personally unpleasant or uncomfortable.

2. I don’t make excuses for my actions. When I have made a mistake, I face up to it with confidence.

3. I make a point to tell the truth, even when it would be just as easy to say nothing.

Many of us see joy as the delightful result of being able to do work that we love. And this is certainly a great producer of joy on the job. The real trick, however, is how to bring joy to anything you do. Doing so can transform the mundane into the enjoyable and let loose incredible energy for all you put your attention to. The secret: creativity. Feeling creative and playful helps us bust through resistance, fear, boredom and disbelief on our way to an engaged satisfaction. Test your joy quotient with this Self-Quiz.

(True/False)

1. Creativity doesn’t just belong to artistic types living in loft studios. Work is a place I frequently exercise my creativity.

2. I think of myself as someone who doesn’t just want what I want, but as someone who is going to get it. It’s just a matter of figuring out how.

3. I keep blank notebooks in several places for jotting down my ideas and inspirations, and a tape recorder for recording observations.

4. No matter how “uncreative,” sensible, logical and otherwise unimpulsive I might consider myself, if I have a pressing idea—a core desire—I’m going to express it.

Quality sleep is as important to our health as food and water. Yet, we often cut back on sleep in favor of “getting more done.” Chronic lack of sleep can cause a wide range of symptoms, including impaired brain function, memory loss, depression, weight gain and irritability. Long-term health issues include increased risk for heart attack and stroke. Answer the following true/false questions to discover whether lack of sleep is getting in your way:

1. Instead of feeling refreshed when I wake up, I still feel tired.

2. I have to have coffee to get going in the morning and often depend upon other caffeine or sugar boosts to get through the day.

3. I feel easily irritated, impatient and/or moody, and my relationships are being affected.

People who “fly off the handle” easily may be at greater risk for heart attacks or other illnesses—not to mention the risks of damaged relationships, unfulfilling lives, feelings of worthlessness, even trouble with the law. Test your temper with this Thriving quiz, to see how much risky business there is in your life.

True or False

1. I feel infuriated when I do a good job and get a poor evaluation.

2. When other people’s mistakes slow me down, it can upset me for the whole day.

3. When I get mad, I say nasty things.

4. I feel like hitting someone who makes me very angry.

5. I feel stupid and inadequate in challenging situations, and I hate that.

When you have an automatic, negative response to something, this often indicates a hypersensitivity that’s referred to as “getting your buttons pushed.” Usually these sensitivities have developed due to hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or controlled. For example, if your parents were very controlling, when someone tells you to do something you may resist—often subconsciously. Answer the following two sets of questions to discover how well you manage your buttons being pushed.

Set 1

When my buttons get pushed, I tend to shut down and withdraw.

When someone hurts me—even when I know it was unintentional—I lash out at them or blame myself.

I hate it when someone tells me I’m “too sensitive.”